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Shtirliz has woken up in a cell. He at all did not remember, how here has got, what is the date today and what in city authority. After long speculations he at last has decided, that if will enter employee from Gestapo , it will be necessary to say: " Hi, Hitler, I am shtandartenfurer of the SS fon Shtirliz ", and if will enter the Soviet soldier - to be presented: " I am colonel Isaev ". The militiaman enters in this moment and speaks: " Well and have drinked you yesterday, comrade Tikhonov ".
- Shtirliz, - weary has said Muller, - you had gone from judge, when we have found out yours fingers on a suitcase of the Russian pianist. You had gone from judge, when we have found them on a handset of the telephone of government communication. But now you won't enable to go from the judge! Why your certificate smells as Russian vodka?!!
- You know, Muller, - not less weary answered Shtirliz, - when Shellenberg he put on my certificate printing, previously he had breathed on it.
To the end of war situation of Germany was so pitiable, what even in reichcancelarium it was necessary to stand in sequential queue to purchase sausages. However Shtirliz, contrary to all standards of behaviour, always took without sequential queue. Employees from Gestapo very much were indignant with it. They yet did not know, that the Heroes of the Soviet Union are maintained priority.
Shtirliz has received the codifying. Having read, he has burnt it, then has spat upon a floor and had coughed in a curtain. In the codifying was written: " Task is executed, it is possible a little to relax. "
The car has approached near the Shtirliz's cottege. It has left Muller in tracking of arming of Gestapo's employees. He has knocked the door.
" Who is need for you? " - have asked from door.
" I need Shtirliz, " - has said Muller.
" I'm not in house, " - answered from door Shtirliz.
Muller was abused, sit in the car and has leaved. So Shtirliz third week of drive rods Gestapo for a nose.
In cafe "Elefant" has come Shtirliz.
" It is Shtirliz, now will be combat, " - one of the visitors has said.
Shtirliz has drunk a cup of coffee and has left.
" No, - the second visitor has objected, - he is not Shtirliz ".
" No, he is Shtirliz! " - has cried maiden.
And here combat began.
Shtirliz went on Berlin. Muller has found out in a nem of the Soviet explorer, but not on soviet machine gun carelessly thrown on a shoulder(arm), and not on the parachute dragged behind, and on an identification mark of factory "Bolshevichka", which one have forgotten to unpick from an internal bin of a jacket on truely Russian licentiousness.
Muller calls Shtirlizà and speaks: " Tomorrow will be communist caucus, the appearance is mandatory. " Shtirliz responds "OK" and, having understood that he has failed, sits down desktop and, not noting the surprised view Muller, writes: " I, shtandartenfurer fon Shtirliz actually am the Soviet explorer. " Muller, having read this official report, rings to Shellenberg and speaks: " Valter, come to see that your people invent, that not catch a caucus. "
Bell of Hitler to Stalin:
" Stalin, did your people take from the my safe the secret documents? "
" I shall find out. "
Bell of Stalin to Shtirliz:
" Shtirliz, you took secret documents of Hitler from the safe? "
" Yes, I am."
" So put on a place, the people are stirred. "
- What colour for me the cowards? - has asked Muller.
- Red, - not reflecting, answered Shtirliz.
- You also have got! - has exclaimed Muller, - Colour of my cowards except for me is known only by Russian pianistress!
- Don't be fool, Muller, - quietly answered Shtirliz, - and clasp the zip on the trousers.
" How much there will be doubly two? " - has asked Muller. Shtirliz has mused. He, certainly, knew, how much there will be doubly two, hi about it recently have notified from center, but he did not know, whether knows it Muller. And if knows, who to him has said. Can be Kaltebruner? Then the negotiations with Dalles have reached the deadlock."
Gimmler calls the employee.
- Call two-place number.
- 45.
- And why not 54?
- Because 45!
Gimmler writes the characteristic "Nature is nordistic" and calls following.
- Call two-place number.
- 28.
- And why not 82?
- It is possible, certainly, and 82, but it is better 28.
Gimmler writes the characteristic "Nature is close to nordistic" and calls following.
- Call two-place number.
- 33.
- And why not... Ah, it is you, Shtirliz.
Shtirliz went on Berlin and has seen on a wall a placard " Shtirliz is fool". Only he has understood one, that the rank of the Hero of the Soviet Union is assigned to him.
April, 1945. The lesion of Germany is apparent. Hitler goes on reichscancelarium and everywhere sees the same picture: the officers drink and at all attentions on furer do not ðày. But have came in one of cabinets, Hitler finds out Shtirliz, which one sits at desktop and works. Having seen the head of the Third Reich, Shtirliz jumps up, get up arm and cries out: " Hi, Hitler! " In the answer furer weary says: " Maksimych, well though thee would not pin up. "
Muller with highest speed raced in the automobile. And near went Shtirliz, pretending, that he walks.
" Shtirliz, if you do not pay for an electricity, we shall disconnect your radio. "
Shtirliz has gone behind funguses, but nothing has found and, purely exhausted, dropped by a face in snow.
Shtirliz went on a forest and has seen the people with rods. "Skiers", - has thought Shtirliz. "Shtirliz", - the fishermen have thought.
Shtirliz went on a coast of Shpreya and has seen the person, sitting with a fishing tackle.
" How pecks? " - has asked Shtirliz.
" It is good, " - the person answered.
" Fisher, " - has guessed Shtirliz.
Muller went along the street. Suddenly to him the brick has falled on a head.
" Those of time, " - has thought Muller.
" Those two, " - has thought Shtirliz, throwing the second brick.
Shtirliz went on a corridor.
" And you see it Shtirliz goes, " - has thought Muller.
" Yes, it is I go, " - has thought Shtirliz.
Shtirliz has seen the people in the Soviet military form, in camouflage robe and with machine guns.
" Explorers, " - has guessed Shtirliz.
Shtirliz went with radio operator Cat on a park. The outrigger boom was distributed, and Cat, effusing a blood, has falled to legs Shtirlizà. Shtirliz was guarded.
Muller went on reichscancelarium and has seen Shtirlizà, facing by a door of Gimmler's cabinet.
" Shtirliz, what do you do here? "
" I am waiting for a tram."
Have gone for a little more, Muller has wrapped up. Shtirliz was not there.
" Probably has waited, " - has decided Muller.
On Monday Shtirliz was gone on cross timber.
" Yes, is high-gravity the week starts, " - has thought Shtirliz.
Shtirliz has pushed a door. The door has not opened. Shtirliz has pushed more strongly. A door not moved. Shtirliz has slamed by a leg. Equally well. Shtirliz has run up and has rushed on a door by all body. The door did not yield.
" It is closed, " - has guessed Shtirliz.
Shtirliz has seen an avalanche and has thought: " Poor saint father, he and has not learned to catch on skis ".
